This is what happened when you weren't here....

and Remain...

2009-07-30T10:44:00.002-04:00

i love u
those are three words
and there's only
...two of us…
a while ago i made a promise
that through actions AND words
umma be
…true to us…
making sure that each day
seems just a bit more
…new to us…
and even when problems arise
that seem just a bit more
…new to us…
help me to step out of myself
and remain
…true to us…
on times when i run from ur love
hear my spirit saying 'let her'
and there's only one let...ter
with out the U in us
my queen
i need YOU for us
let me be the S in Us
behind you
cuz in what u give
yes, your love
i'll be studious
receiving each lesson
as my blessing
-GJ
7/29/09

natural disaster

2009-07-21T12:59:00.002-04:00

natural disaster

we partied
she flirted
i spoke
we chatted
we left
we kissed
we sucked
she was
like tsunami

.
we smiled
we parted
she called
we both checked
she was..
.
.
.

we worried
we went
she cried

spirits erupted
we hugged
i deleted
she scarred
i ignored
.
.
.
moved on

Heaven's High

2009-07-14T10:51:00.001-04:00

Ever see a woman with SUCH a pretty smile????

i did... and I wrote about coming back to the world as her smile...

if to life...
i could ever swing back
to life...
i would forever bring back
the glow...
the wow
oh .. to hold
that smile
the warm i get
the calm I let
fly
in exchange for heaven's high
dreaming nigh
of what could success be
if she...
would continue to bless me..
.
.
as her smile

with the LINES

2009-07-08T08:54:00.000-04:00

I... am terrible with the lines
So when she asked me for mine
I didn’t know what to say
Nor how to construct the words
To make things OK
Real talk, I probably made them worse
And the love bird in my heart
Made not a squeak nor a chirp
She didn’t smile
Just stared a while
It seemed like she was waiting
For confirmation
That OUR love was circular
Meaning that which she was giving
Was exactly what she was receiving
So…She just stood there
In full stare
Hoping and believing
And I couldn’t think
Standing mute
No limbs… just a blink
And my eyes must not have been working
Sure, they saw her hurting
But couldn’t make her for certain
That I wasn’t a jerk and
That I wasn’t just some cold blooded creature
She took a deep breath and said…
Ok, then…See ya
Realizing there was no more
She turned to the door
Swallowed real hard
And squeezed one last tear on the floor

Am I getting OLD?

2009-06-12T10:25:00.000-04:00

Sup folks...

Why I try to holla at this shorty the other day and she tell me that she's 17... I'm like DANG!!

Well, you look 30, you young bama!!! Either you had a ROUGH LIFE ... or I been out the game a lil bit. And NO you can't borrow my solja boy CD...

Its funny but .. really, why our young folks look so old these days?

And I’m not just talking about the physical growth and maturity… From many that I’ve seen, it looks like they are living rough lives. Like you can see it in their eyes and their facial expressions.

Are the teenage years nowadays that rough on our young folks?

What can we do to help?
Or.. is it just me?

some ONE

2009-06-12T10:02:00.004-04:00

some ONE

i don't know

why

i do thangs

like saggin my pants

hard to walk and all

gotta reach so far down

to get money from pockets

nor why

leave da round sticker

on baseball caps

like tis new

but tis really aint

i follow many

in hopes of being

some-ONE

U Right Dad

2009-06-08T13:17:00.003-04:00

i should have had a dad... :-(

cuz if so…

we'd be talking about women sometimes
and he'd say something like
"Son, betta leave dem jokers alone, dey trouble'
he’d laugh and explain
I'd bounce my head
while smacking my teeth
grit, and then say
"yeah u right dad"
then i'd pick up the remote control
being a better man
and we'd both watch the game

Could Just Be the Words

2009-05-29T14:25:00.004-04:00

I was actually just listening to some 'stuff' at work with the headphones on and ....

I wish we said I love you more growing up
I wish my father started showing up
More during my childhood
I wish I’d seen it
And not just when I got older with money to borrow
I wish I couldn’t say f*** him and mean it
I say God forgive me for my sins
But God says ... "James, come back when mean it”
And he’s right, I really don’t.
Still I act like it’s ok
He said ‘if you love me, you’d follow me’
I don’t follow… aint nothing to say

End of story

I wish 'the str8 and narrow' didn't bore me
Not thinking about it helps though
Seems like my prayers have strep throat
Cuz I prayed to stop thinking about my ex
But she still be running through my mind
So my thoughts don’t spend time
Where they need to be
My current girl be seeing me
But I don’t think she knows me
I wish I knew my self more
I wish I could help more
How?
I wish I could call it
I wish my uncle aint die an alcoholic
I wish I were a b-baller
You’d see my on TV
Wearing tattoos with a hidden deep message
I wish I could learn the messge in life’s lessons
Without going through the trouble
I wish I could shave with no stubble
I wish I were a man of my word
And possible a man of the Word
And Not of the World
I wonder if my mom was Muslim…
Would I be too?
I wish I knew

I wish I hadn't lied so much
That now I wonder what’s really true
I wish I aint say ‘I love you’
to women I only liked
I wish it didn’t feel so good
Not to do right
i wish it wouldn’t be the truth
and could just be words I write

i wish u could read this

and not ask if it's my real life

and would just say 'hey, that's real nice'

or 'i relate.. dude u real right!'

i'd simply smile...slight

then wish it wouldn't be the truth

and could just be the words I write

I'm OPEN

2009-05-05T14:21:00.002-04:00

I’m open
With deep breathes
And long looks down blurry paths

I’m open
To all we can be
When days pass
And frowns
Outlast the laughs

When ain't nuffin going right
And burdens aint light
When separation goes from NEVER
To maybe
From maybe to might

I’m open
To u stripping to your empirical element
Uncovering those layers at the door

I’m open to being sore
if it means we retain the integrity of who we are
Of that, I’m open to more

I’m open
To letting u in
Slowly sharing bits of my soul

To making a decision to do this
Committing to my part
Allowing you to complete your role

I’m open
To breathing your desires
Each day blessing your song

I’m open to knowing
That even when the grass is greener in other places
Its color doesn’t last as long
Your tone has me running in circles
It’s YOUR deep hue that keeps me strong

I’m open to naked fears
With faith and security I’m dress them

If I had the time I’d count each of your dreams
Individually kiss them
And bless them

I’m open
To our layers
And our prayers
To the love vocals we sing

I’m open
To seeking you deep in Him
Finding and keeping
My good thing

Awww... I wrote this a few weeks ago and felt so-so about it ... but reading it again. I likes it...
thoughts...

Even when you were tired of being alone.. were you really ready to make yourself 'open?'
I know that I was not for so long...

Poetics... Certainly

2009-04-21T08:18:00.006-04:00

certainly
yes, sure will, yes
see that figure on some land
on some day
with the sum of two eyes
thinking of some way
to say some things
that have been some how
buried for some time now
and just maybe
through the rolling of the sum of two eyes
the twirling of some fingers
and the kicking of some rocks
and some deep swallowing
certainly...
some courage
will come from some where
yes, some deep place
resurrected and sum up
just some of the feelings
some young man said

some times

the pain of wishing
that you were some one else
can't be summed up
in a month of sundays

and so a tongue and some teeth

and the sum of two lips
will do some speaking
and some of the words would be...
Daddy, why did you leave us?
leave me?
Am I not someone worthy of love?
Would you have me be someone else…
yes, sure will, yes

certainly

Birthed through a blog Slam this morning (http://blackwomanlost.blogspot.com/). E Badu has a song named certainly and I took the title and used it to write a bit..

I aint really suffering conciously from 'dad stuff' anymore... but ..

thoughts?

I'm So Glad My Mama AIN'T SEXY!!!

2009-04-20T12:08:00.005-04:00

So I’m in the mall this weekend and I see a nice looking young lady… had her ‘girls’ out, baby phat jeans.. heels… and a walk that said she’d turned her swag on this morning. So I smiled.. waited for her to pass and I took a peek. “She gotta nice one,” I say to myself.

I go about my business…

So I see her again though and this time she’s walking with a young man. I hear some of their conversation… just enough to hear him call her mom. So he must been about 15 to 18 years old.

And I KNOW he gets tired of men coming up to his mama, grabbing her arm.. kissing her neck and slapping her on the booty and saying 'hey girl you sho wiz fine 2day'....
.... WAIT... I think that was MY dream.. nevermind.

But it did get me to thinking. I AM SO GLAD MY MAMA AINT SEXY. Now granted I’m in my late 20s, but still, I wouldn’t wanna be 15 years old and have folks always starring at my mama.

I can’t speak for anyone else’s mama, but mine don’t need to be wearing tight clothes nor showing off her assets! I like how she looks nice and does whatever she does. But it needs to say Hey, I’m a mom with kids who are grown and not Hey, I still look good for my age with my sexy self!

No sir!

There’s just a certain time and age where folks need to calm it down. And it’s different being a certain way for your man and for everyone else!

Is YOUR mom sexy? Are you a mom who is sexy? And I don’t mean attractive… but do you still find yourself putting your assets on display?

Good for them?
Or
Calm it down some?

thoughts?

Taalam Acey vs Lamar Hill Poetry Slam

2009-04-17T14:46:00.001-04:00

I love these guys and wanted to share the with you...

Sponge-Bob & Burger King - Is this offensive to you?

2009-04-16T07:34:00.002-04:00

So Burger King has been getting thousands of complaint letters about this video. I don't think it has been pulled off the air yet though. I've had some friends say that they didn't even know what was being advertised. I realized after a while that it was about a kids' meal.

Some people hate it. Others say that it's just funny and makes sense. Is this a sign of the times? Are we doomed? Or should we just lighten up and have a good laugh.

L & W

2009-04-15T17:00:00.012-04:00

This was an exercise of response from a peice my friend Tanesha Jones wrote a while back. She's an awesome writer and allowed me to compose from what she built. I loved her phrases and how she explained different feelings. Afterwards, I realized how impactful it was to me. Thanks T.

I TOO am poetic justice..

I fight for words that explain your breathing

Enter new life in existence when readily leaving

It's YOUR presence

Heart and mind are presents

I see the beauty in flowers holding YOUR essence

You can say like making love on clouds

or in smiles

Or with eyes

The rhythm that I provide...

Is like a water floating in a sea of sky..

Or a sky of sea

<<insert YOUR name>>

YOU ARE

light and wonder.....

2 ME

This is BEST said in the mornings and during times of wandering feelings. :-) REPEAT as necessary

What if...

What if we were actually 'light and wonder' to ourselves... ??

Not just 'loving ourselves no matter what.. but REALLY being wonderful and embracing our intricacies and curves and lines and depth. Not to where it puts others down... but really being at a place where we could shine fully ... with other beams.

One Thing

2009-04-15T07:56:00.008-04:00

“It’s okay to let someone know that you want something, but NEVER let ANYONE know how bad you might NEED something. ~Robert E. James (my friend's father)

My daddy said...

“It’s okay ..

to let someone know that you want something"

my some 'thing'

is only 'one' thing

it will forever

be one letter

and true...

it ain’ about what i can get in pride

but what i can't do

if U

aint by my side

cuz U...

r on the inside

and i don't wanna stop the feeling

fears of being emtpy

somehow U 'fill in'

so i fill up

and feel up

to loving U

with more passion than life contains

cuz of U

my life just ain’...

the same

and i like it

yeah

i like U

4/7/09

I took my friend's daddy quote and used it to write ...

thoughts?

Thank God that Easter is gone!

2009-04-14T11:02:00.000-04:00

No I don’t mean that I don’t celebrate or don’t love da Lawd as much as you… all I’m saying is that I wanna come home in the evening to peace and quiet in the neighborhood… at least for a lil while.

The school kids were out all last week and if I gotta hear another ‘Muh f**k you, you black b*tch’ as soon as I step out of my car, umma snatch one of them up myself!

Where are the programs! Get ‘em out the street!

But yeah… I know they still come out during the evening on school days, but it seems to be less rowdiness and less of them roaming the neighborhood looking to throw rocks and beat each other up.

Yesterday was the last day being out of school I believe and they were not far from my bedroom window yelling and running around. I went to the window to spy on the lil beasts and I hear ‘em singing versions of the Stanky Leg and Blame it on the Alcohol. That’s a WHOLE NUVA conversation right by itself.

Mine you.. they are all less than 10.. some look 5 and 6.
I guess one lil girl interrupted one of the lil boys and and he told her to ‘shut the f__k up…, you a$$ hole.’ My face dropped.

Then some lil dirty instigator says “OMG! You gonna let him call you an a$$ hole like that?”

The begin to tumble and chase each other. Some of the others still singing the songs.

I don’t remember cursing like that when I was that small.. alone or in groups. We sang some songs too, but Kris Kross aint even talked about having sex and blaming it on being under the influence…

What happened? Where are the parents? And how are my mild mannered future-kids gonna survive around these scoundrels?

I can just imagine what happens on the school yard!

What exactly is the CHURCH FURNITURE FUND??

2009-04-13T08:00:00.000-04:00

So yeah… Just thought I’d share some Easter happenings…

first off... Hey folks, don’t forget the folks who don’t have family in the area or don’t have many friends. Invite them over for drinks or food or just fellowship if you can. It’s tough being without family u know?

So anyway, I’m in the metro area on Sunday morning and tryna find a church to go to. Here’s all the folks who were absolutely NO HELP when I needed them to help me find a church.

Nicole N – early service and late calling back
Chelsea – 8am service so she could ‘get it over with’
Tony H – still aint call me back lol
Brittany – church was too far and started too late
Daysha – no help
Laydia – went too early
Brittni – she didn’t even go
Rutanya – no comment
Lanette – can’t remember her story
Kenya called me back all late! Thanks tho!

Yall some bamas! YOU ALL are the reason I don’t go to church as much as I should! Lol

So anyway, I start driving and roll my window down and ask this lady if she going to church and if I can follow her. She says yes after a shocked face and we drive to SE. If I knew it was the city, I would have followed this other couple lol.

It was 1st National Deliverance something… or other. Real nice folks, but just old school. Reminded me of my mama’s church. Like, if you catch the spirit, they stop everything and play the black folks’ shouting music for you and then cut it off when they feel you had enough. So that happened for a while. They took up more than one offering, another thing my mama’s church does.

What exactly is the CHURCH FURNITURE FUND??

I had to meet a friend at 1pm and at that time, the speaker was just getting up to preach. I didn’t even get to hear the WORD. Although it felt like everyone who got up to say anything was preaching.

Like... how do you start shouting when you only doing the announcements? No lie! My mama always says that when the spirit hits, you can’t rush it… I guess that’s why she stays in church all day.

And I realized that all the REALLY saved folks say Happy Resurrection day, not Happy Easter! lol